New Year, New You?
I love the feeling of a fresh start that comes with ringing in a new year. I set new goals, revisit past ones, and look ahead at all the exciting moments that are to come.
This morning, after my morning Yoga practice, I felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy and sadness. At first, I couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was...am I frustrated with my teaching?...hmm possibly, but that wasn't it...am I sad Christmas is over? Sure, a little. But that wasn't quite it either. It really perplexed me because I had a wonderful practice, and all though my poses aren't quite where I'd like them to be, I feel content with how my practice is evolving.
I kept digging as I drove home (not the safest environment for soul searching I'll admit, I tend to drive like a crazy person as it is), and I found myself going to an exciting moment in the future - my wedding. And there it was! I realized that too often in life I numb out during the little moments, the "in between exciting moments," so that I can look forward to the next and not feel the sadness of what's already over. And I'm really good at this. I think it's partially because of my long distance relationship with my fiance. It's so painful to have short little meetings and having to constantly say goodbye, so I've become an expert and numbing out when he's gone, and life zooms past me really fast because my mind is always looking towards our next meeting.
Now, I don't think daydreaming is bad at all, and I don't think it's wrong to be looking forward to my wedding. But how many times do we sit and say, "damn that year flew by so fast?" Time does fly, and my coping mechanism of spacing out and focusing on the future makes my life feel like it's on fast forward!
One of my fellow teachers/mentor/dear friend, led me through an exercise yesterday. I wrote words that I wanted to feel in 2013: passionate, alive, confident, strong, sexy! and so forth in my journal. Then she said, "assume those feelings right now, in this moment." And for a second, I did. I felt confident, I felt strong, and I felt powerful, in that very moment, I wasn't dreaming of what those feelings would feel like, I felt them. I found that fascinating - not to mention my practice in the class that followed felt freaking amazing!!!
So I'd like to challenge myself, and challenge you too. What if we kept our goals, those badass goals we have for 2013, but already embody those feelings we want to experience when we achieve them?
I want to be an amazing teacher.
I want to help heal the world.
I want to freaking pike into handstand.
I want to gravity surf like my life depends on it.
I want to be with my future husband everyday.
Those are some of my goals. And although I'm sad my fiance left, and sometimes I'm frustrated my "piking" feels like a belly flop...I can already embody the feelings of confidence, power, and sexiness that I know I'll feel when I get to those moments. I challenge myself to wake up everyday and live in the moment, whether it be happy or sad, knowing that I can also embody the feelings I look forward to - right now. I choose to celebrate today, to love my half handstand, to love my half turn signal, to love that as I teach I am growing/learning/ improving, to love my handful of dedicated badass students...because it is all just as beautiful as the next accomplishment.
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