Be strong, my heart

I haven't written in a VERY long time. Due to several reasons.

I got married in the last month, so as wedding planning became my second Full-time job (it's intense!) I got busier and busier.

OK so the real reason is that about 4 or 5 months before the wedding I went on major shut down/numb out mode. Along with getting married came a loaded bundle of transitions. And getting married to the love of my life came with moving to Florida - where he works. That meant saying goodbye to my family, who, for the most part all live in Texas. Furthermore, it meant saying goodbye to the studio who gave me my first Yoga teaching job, and the amazing community of Yogis who were my first students. It broke my heart, and I wasn't willing to feel it.

Part of what we teach in Forrest Yoga is how to develop a warrior's heart. What that means is creating a strong, courageous heart...and that doesn't mean a heart that strongly resists hurt/pain/tragedy. On the contrary, - a warrior faces their path head on: with courage, with willingness, with excitement. One of my mentors often spoke in my mentorship program about staying open to feeling everything. We can't feel extreme joy or pleasure, without being open to feeing the opposite. Hurt, pain, and suffering go hand in hand with the other more appealing emotions.

There were parts of my wedding preparation I was missing out on because I chose to live in a somewhat numbed stupor. I chose to take the "busy bee" approach and for a while I didn't slow down to enjoy the beauty of this rite of passage on which I was about to embark.

The universe always has a wonderful way of saying "hello, wake up!" I threw myself into my classes giving them my all, taking on my first handful of private clients and subbing as much as I could. The busier I was, the more I could handle it all. But this didn't last long. A few months before the wedding I started to experience some pretty intense pain in my lower back - what I thought was my SI joint. It got so intense that even walking was painful. I was forced to take it easy. I couldn't demo in my classes. I had to limit the number of classes I was subbing. And I had to learn to enjoy the gentle and healing choices in my own Yoga practice. The beauty was, I never felt better in a Yoga class - I was forced to stay present and I learned to access pleasure even in my most limited practice.

On my bachelorette party trip (if you can call it that) I got so sick that I ended up in the ER in Las Vegas. (It had nothing to do with alcohol either).  I developed a stomach infection.  I was desperate and so frustrated with the fact that I was literally falling apart. I contacted another mentor and she replied, "What can't you stomach right now?"

The truth was that I wasn't willing to digest all the events going on in my life. I wasn't willing to feel the joy that could also cause some pain, some tears, some sadness. I wasn't even enjoying the last few weeks with my family as I had become the ultimate bridezilla - bossing people around and getting mad at nothing. Getting mad and yelling at people for me was easier than enjoying them and realizing these were the last few moments I'd be living in their house. How messed up is that???

One of my mentors Catherine Allen told us a story at my last mentorship meeting. She explained that she loved her animals so very much, that sometimes she would look at them while they were peacefully sleeping on her couch and just start sobbing because of the fact that one day they were going to die. And what she realized, through her husband's advice (don't you just hate how naturally Yogic men can be??); why not love what is precious and dear now -  instead of worrying about what may happen in the future?

It took a month of physical pain and exhaustion for me to come to my senses. Literally, I had to re-embody my body!

Love what is precious now. Don't numb out and wait for something big to wake you up. Don't wait until you're 1,000 miles away from the ones you love wishing it was your wedding day everyday! And yes, living with an open, warriors' heart may bring some tears, some pain - but I'd much rather have those memories to live by, then blank pockets of time filled with no emotion.

Core Power.

Last week I learned a very valuable lesson in my Yoga practice that I'd love to share with you. I learned that listening to your gut (literally) is far more rewarding than giving into the ego (duh, right?).

I know many of you might be rolling your eyes thinking "well of course!!!" And as always, these cliche notions are always easier said than done.

So last week, I couldn't feel my abdominal muscles (literally) and fell over with a huge SMACK! onto my head and back after attempting to do a handstand in the middle of the room. And this jarred me! It shook me way deeper than just the physical effects of falling on your head (headache, neck pain, stiff joints etc). My spirit was spooked...and I've been stalking this feeling ever since....

Upon my stalking, I know a few things for certain: I kicked up into handstand with confidence, felt that my legs were disengaged, felt my feet flailing, knew I needed to just draw my knees into my chest...but I couldn't. There was a gap of empty space where my hips should be connected to my core. I couldn't feel anything. And as is common with most "accidents" everything felt as if it was in slow motion, and I toppled over.

I kept asking myself afterwards, "why couldn't I just pull my damn knees into my chest instead of falling over and hurting myself?!?!" It seems so logical!!

The rest of the week I felt lost. I felt like a wandering ghost! Later on in the week, a student left during the middle of one of my classes. This had not happened to me yet in my 3 months of teaching, but I knew it was bound to happen as I've been told that Yoga teachers literally see everything in the Yoga room. She was packing up, and I asked her if she was ok, to which she guiltily replied "Oh yeah I just need to leave early," both of us knew that wasn't true but I mustered up a sweet smile and unlocked the door for her.

By the end of Thursday evening I felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach...I guess I could say at least I was feeling something in my gut!

See the thing is, I know not to attach my self worth to a pose, to a class, to a student, to the money in our donation box after the class, but I have not been able to drop those attachments. There's a part of me that so desires to carry everyone in my Yoga classes on my shoulders. I want them to laugh, and I want them to smile, I want them to feel good...and when I decide to teach a deep hip-opening class I question changing it up in the middle of a sequence when the room gets so very silent...because it's intense, deep, work. Emotions will come up for them, and they're not always rainbows and sunshine!

But I am realizing this is my job. This is why I am here on this earth, and this is why I am teaching the style of Yoga that I do. It's my job to take students to intense places, its my job to take people to their edge and help them create the space for healing. And its my job to do this self work right along with them, so that when I fall on my face (or back of my head) I can tell them that there is a lesson there, that growth is coming, that this too shall pass. 

So I know that my ego got ahead of me. I know that I saw pictures of my comrades in beautiful wall-less handstands, and I know that I thought that being a great teacher meant being able to float up into a perfect wall-less inversion. And I guess I had to learn that in a not so pain-free way...literally! 

But what I also know now as I keep doing this work, is that sometimes the sweetest Yoga is connecting to your breath, fully savoring every inhale, and delighting in every exhale - in the simplest of poses. The sweetest Yoga is knowing what your journey is, and when to listen to your gut instinct. That may be waiting until the core get's stronger or more connected until you bid adieu to the wall; that may be coming into dolphin pose and skipping chaturranga when your shoulders are bothering you; and that may be taking core work on the wall when you're just too exhausted to do core work {off the wall} correctly .

Today, I'm still reflecting on why last week's events really affected me. While I'm searching, what you can count on from me in the coming days is plenty of core work. You see,  I'm on a mission to bridge the gap between my hips and my core - and I offer this to my students humbly. Together we'll practice; mending and breathing to create the space for deeper healing.

Moderation Nation

So I'm almost three months into teaching Yoga. I'm loving every nano second, every breath, every moment in my classes. Even the moments that bring up ethical questions, or that fluster me at first...I laugh later and - it makes me love what I do even more.

I get to teach people how to make space in their bodies; how to make space for healing, creativity, for themselves. I get to encourage them to use their breath, {prana} their life force, to get them through any situation. And I get to help them reconnect to their spirits...even if only in savasana.

Lately, though, as much as I love what I do...I've been tired. Drained really. Exhausted. I also have aches and pains I've never experienced before.  It dawned on me that I need to practice what I teach.

"listen to your body. practice in a way that feels good.

take the up level/down level that you need. 

do not compare. do not push.

drop the struggle."

I aim to practice daily so that I may be able to speak authentically from my mat in my classes.  I practice inversions and arm balances daily to give my students the clearest/ most precise demos. 

But I've been sore, I've been achey, and I've had grumpy out bursts with people who are close to me and don't deserve to take the brunt for my self-inflicted exhaustion. 

Moderation.  Yup, that's the one word that's been flashing in my mind like a Las Vegas Casino sign. As I took a few days off last week to do absolutely nothing but sleep. I realized (as much of a no-brainer as this may seem) that moderation is key for sustainability. In life. Period. 

A couple weeks ago, after my first  Forrest Yoga Mentorship weekend I was explaining to a fellow Yogi that I took a real easy - no arm balances, no inversions, no advanced expression of the poses - approach to my practice, and I aimed to feel good in all my poses. "I haven't felt that amazing in months!" I told her. "Karmen," she said, "That's connecting to your spirit, that's being present on your mat" 

Hmm, not only is moderation key for getting proper rest...it's also instrumental for progress and evolution. 

Currently, I'm also pretty strict about what fuel (aka FOOD) I nourish my body with. I'm pretty gluten and dairy free. And that feels pretty good in my body. But I'm also finding the joy in indulging every so often...without the guilt that is usually attached to it. There is definitely something to be said for NOT sticking to every dietary restriction of your meal plan. For NOT saying no to cake every time it's offered. And for letting yourself  "go" every once in a while. 

Balance is key and moderation is essential for our well being, for our mental sanity...and especially for the sake of our loved ones who we intend to keep around us for a while!

Take a moment to stop and do nothing every now and then. Or take the down-level in your practice. Do things that feel good. Enjoy a slice of cake and disrupt your routine! It may seem lazy, it may seem "indulgent," but it's not...you're actually living in the present moment.

Here are some fun recipes I enjoyed this week...Yin and Yang of the health spectrum in food. 

http://www.aspicyperspective.com/2010/05/farmstand-fresh.html

Fresh Strawberry Yogurt Cake

Ingredients:

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
3 Tb. lemon juice, divided
Zest of 1 lemon
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour, divided
½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. salt
8 oz. plain or vanilla, Greek yogurt
12 oz. fresh strawberries, diced
1 cup powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease and flour a 10 inch Bundt pan (10-15 cup pan.) Sift together the 2 ¼ cups of flour, baking soda and salt. Mix in the lemon zest and set aside.
2. With an electric mixer, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in 1 Tb. lemon juice. Alternate beating in the flour mixture and the yogurt, mixing just until incorporated.
3. Toss the strawberries with the remaining ¼ cup of flour. Gently mix them into the batter.
4. Pour the batter into the Bundt pan. Place in the oven and reduce the temperature to 325 degrees F. Bake for 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.
5. Allow to cool at least 20 minutes in the pan, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely. Once cooled whisk together the remaining 2 Tb. of lemon juice and the powdered sugar. Drizzle over the top of the cake.
6. NOTE: I've had a few questions on the texture of the batter in this cake. The consistency of the yogurt and the juiciness of the berries, greatly determined the consistency of the batter. Thick, (dryer) yogurt will produce a thicker batter, in which the berries won't sink to the bottom (top) of the cake as seen in the photos. Either way, it is a great cake--don't worry about the thickness of the batter.

Lemon Quinoa Cilantro Chickpea Salad

Adapted from: Ohsheglows

 

Ingredients:

1/2 C. dry quinoa

2 C. vegetable broth

1 can garbanzo beans (drained and rinsed)

1 c. cherry tomatoes cut in half

2 avocados diced

2 C. spinach

1 bunch cilantro

1/4 C. onion

2 small cloves garlic

For the dressing:

Juice of 2 lemons

zest of 1 lemon

2 tsp. dijon mustard

2 tsp. olive oil

1 tsp. agave nectar

1/2 tsp. cumin

dash of salt and pepper

Directions:

1. Make your quinoa first. Soak the quinoa in a pot in the veggie broth for about 15 minutes. After that, turn on the heat to medium high and let the quinoa come to a boil. Once it boils, reduce heat to medium/low and let quinoa simmer. Stir every so often, and cook quinoa for about 20-25 minutes just until the liquid absorbs. You don’t want it completely dried out, so when there is just a TINY amount of liquid left in the pot, remove it from heat and put a lid on it. Set it aside, and make the rest of the salad.

2. In a food processor, add your spinach and cilantro. Make sure to wash you greens. 

3. Process the greens until they are finely diced. You can do this by hand as well if you don’t have a food processor.

4. Add the greens to a bowl, and set aside. Next take your onion and garlic and finely dice those (I do this in the food processor to), and add to the greens mixture. Next add your chickpeas and stir until everything is combined and coated. If the quinoa is cooled, you can add it to the chickpea mixture next.

5. Make your dressing by whisking all the ingredients together. Pour over salad, and mix until combined. Add in tomatoes and avocado and mix. Set in fridge for about 10-15 minutes before serving so the flavors set.

 

 

Coconut Oil

I'm pretty in love with coconut oil these days. Really any coconut product - milk, water, oil, and yes...even yogurt!! So I thought I'd share some of the ways in which coconut products are incredibly beneficial for your health and wellness.

When my hair is feeling pretty dry I'll use handful of coconut oil and work it from the ends of my hair up. Then I'll throw it up in a bun and leave it in for at least 6 hours. Do this once or twice a week for a month and your hair will love you!

I just got back from my first Forrest Yoga Mentorship weekend today. I am beyond grateful for the experience and can't even find the words to process how amazing it was!! A recommendation given to me (and my fellow trainees) was to rub oil all over the body before showering - as a one minute pre-shower ritual to show the body some love, and to start to "wake-up" the parts of the body that are shut down or "dead" (i.e. pelvic floor, hips, feet, stomach etc). I tried this tonight and have to say...it's nice! It made me more aware of all the parts of my body, and how grateful I was to have them. It was also nice to show my body gratitude for all it does by massaging sore spots with the oil. I used all organic coconut oil. What's great is that the shower rinses most of it off but afterwards the skins maintains enough moisture so you can bypass the lotion!

Finally, one of my favorite uses for coconut oil - food. I made this raw pie a few weeks ago and have been craving it ever since. If you're a choco-holic (like myself) you'll LOVE this pie! Plus it's good for you! I love finding recipes that use no sugar, no soy, no gluten, and no wheat. Enjoy!!

Raw Chocolate Mousse Pie

Adapted from simply raw by joel odhner
The particulars:

• 2 cups shredded coconut
• 2 cups pitted dates
• 2-3 ripe avocados (YES AVOCADOS)
• 1/2 cup coconut oil, softened
• 1/2 cup raw honey or maple syrup
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 1/2 cup carob powder

1. To make the crust, mix the coconut and dates in the food processor until a sticky, dough-like substance forms. This might take a minute or so. Tip the mixture into a springform cake tin (or any tin with a removable base) and press into the bottom and sides. Make sure it is even and that it comes up the sides about an inch.
2. Prepare the filling by first mashing the avocados in a bowl until there aren’t any big lumps. Transfer to the food processor and add the coconut oil, honey/syrup, and powders. Process until smooth – the end result should look (and taste!) like chocolate mousse.
3. Pour the filling into the prepared crust and smooth out with a knife or spatula. Cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge for at least an hour.
4. To serve, remove plastic wrap and re-smooth with the knife or spatula, and decorate with raspberries (or any fruit you want!)

 

 

Happy Sunday!! <3

"Clean" Banana Muffins

My Sunday LOL meetings (LOL - Live Out Loud) have also inspired me to add recipes to my blog.

One of my big passions is cooking - especially baking! My friends often ask me what I eat to keep a balanced/healthy life. Not to get too deep in this post, but I come from a background of struggling with an eating disorder. If I'm not mindful, I starve. This being said, I need to prep my meals for my really busy schedule so I make sure I eat.

As a yoga teacher, I view food as fuel for my body. I want to teach quality classes as well as generate creativity and inspiration to keep evolving. I strongly suggest getting in tune with your body and listening to it. See what foods sit well with you and which ones don't. Currently, eating gluten-free and healthy protein has been feeling great for me. I used to be vegan for 5 years. While I love vegan food, the diet did not serve my body well.

Anyway, here's an awesome Banana Muffin Recipe I love for a quick bite on my way out to teach or to take a Yoga class!

Clean/ Gluten Free Banana Muffins

I've modified this recipe by substituting greek yogurt with almond yogurt. I try to stay away from dairy so that's why I changed it up. It's tastes great with the greek yogurt if that agrees with your body! 

Ingredients

*2 /1/2 cup oats (old fashioned kind, not quick cooking)
*1 single serving cup of plain low fat greek yogurt
*2 eggs
*3/4 cup sweetener - honey or 2 tbs stevia sweetener
*1 1/2 tsp baking powder
*1/2 tsp baking soda
*2 bananas

Optional: You can also add chopped blueberries or strawberries to the batter AFTER it has been in the blender. 

 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray tin with non-stick cooking spray or line 12 muffin tins with silicone or foil liners, (or just use a silicone muffin pan). ( Note: Paper liners seem to stick a lot to flourless muffins, so your best bet if you don't have silicone is to spray the muffin tin and go linerless. Don't use paper muffin cups! )
2. Place all of the ingredients, including bananas in a blender or food processor, and blend until oats are smooth. 
3. Divide batter among cupcake liners, and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean.


Enjoy!! 

Like a thief in the night.

It's everywhere in our society. It's permeated through media, school, gasp even the yoga room!

Comparison. I remember one of my very first writing assignments in English class was to write a comparison paper. Why are we so obsessed with comparing everything...comparing ourselves...to everything?!

I'm meeting with a group of wonderful women every Sunday.  I don't know how to describe it; it's a book club/private yoga class/potluck party - women who are striving to {live out loud}. LOL is what we call it. And it's been amazing. We've had break-throughs, break-downs, we've faced fears and discussed issues that plague us.

Today I'd like to share a post I made in our private group. I offer it because I feel that we could all benefit from taking a closer look at this comparison business.

In the book the group is reading (I'm not reading the book currently because I have about 20 I need to get through for my certification...but I WILL!). there is a quote that was shared with me. I was asked to write about it, and it's like it came to me straight from the Universe...because its exactly what I need to work on.

                                                         "Comparison is the thief of joy"

So this quote...it really resonates with me. I had to mull it over for a few hours because there is so much I could say, but I want to make it short and sweet. I compare myself daily...probably every second, every moment to everything! I've written a blog about this before...how my comparison eventually turns in to competition...something I have a very unhealthy relationship with. I've found this in my teaching lately, as much as I hate to admit it. I compare myself...how many students do the other teachers have, look how much better Rebecca speaks to this, look how much better Amber demo's this pose...look at how both of their practices are so much more advanced then mine, and this starts stealing all of my joy because I revert to self mutilation like "How can I even teach piking when I can't even do it myself...." enter self doubt....

Ana (Forrest) says the first step to healing and change is acknowledgement. I still revert to my habits often, but I can start changing by being present (activating my feet) when I catch myself doing something that doesn't serve me. How quickly the amazing yoga-high buzz that comes from teaching an awesome class fades when I start to compare myself to others. So I've been catching myself...daily. Even in the little things. I'll ask myself, so why did I feel the need to compare just now...I dig deep...hmm do I feel that I am not worthy of feeling this happy?...go deeper... am I worried that savoring this moment will result in no more moments like these? And I try to get to the source of my comparison. Some day's I don't get that far, I only get so far as acknowledging what I just did. 

I challenge ya'll to start observing when you compare yourself...and to get curious about why. Often it's associated with a sacred-contract lie we've made to ourselves (we're not good enough etc). Which is totally bullsh*t!!

Consider that you are enough just as you are. Because it's true. Even your imperfections, they make you - YOU!

Wake up and smell the moments!

New Year, New You!

New Year, New You?

I love the feeling of a fresh start that comes with ringing in a new year. I set new goals, revisit past ones, and look ahead at all the exciting moments that are to come.

This morning, after my morning Yoga practice, I felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy and sadness. At first, I couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was...am I frustrated with my teaching?...hmm possibly, but that wasn't it...am I sad Christmas is over? Sure, a little. But that wasn't quite it either. It really perplexed me because I had a wonderful practice, and all though my poses aren't quite where I'd like them to be, I feel content with how my practice is evolving.

I kept digging as I drove home (not the safest environment for soul searching I'll admit, I tend to drive like a crazy person as it is), and I found myself going to an exciting moment in the future - my wedding. And there it was! I realized that too often in life I numb out during the little moments, the "in between exciting moments," so that I can look forward to the next and not feel the sadness of what's already over. And I'm really good at this. I think it's partially because of my long distance relationship with my fiance. It's so painful to have short little meetings and having to constantly say goodbye, so I've become an expert and numbing out when he's gone, and life zooms past me really fast because my mind is always looking towards our next meeting.

Now, I don't think daydreaming is bad at all, and I don't think it's wrong to be looking forward to my wedding. But how many times do we sit and say, "damn that year flew by so fast?" Time does fly, and my coping mechanism of spacing out and focusing on the future makes my life feel like it's on fast forward!

One of my fellow teachers/mentor/dear friend, led me through an exercise yesterday. I wrote words that I wanted to feel in 2013: passionate, alive, confident, strong, sexy! and so forth in my journal. Then she said, "assume those feelings right now, in this moment."  And for a second, I did. I felt confident, I felt strong, and I felt powerful, in that very moment, I wasn't dreaming of what those feelings would feel like, I felt them. I found that fascinating - not to mention my practice in the class that followed felt freaking amazing!!!

So I'd like to challenge myself, and challenge you too. What if we kept our goals, those badass goals we have for 2013, but already embody those feelings we want to experience when we achieve them?

I want to be an amazing teacher.

I want to help heal the world.

I want to freaking pike into handstand.

I want to gravity surf like my life depends on it.

I want to be with my future husband everyday.

Those are some of my goals. And although I'm sad my fiance left, and sometimes I'm frustrated my "piking" feels like a belly flop...I can already embody the feelings of confidence, power, and sexiness that I know I'll feel when I get to those moments.  I challenge myself to wake up everyday and live in the moment, whether it be happy or sad, knowing that I can also embody the feelings I look forward to - right now. I choose to celebrate today, to love my half handstand, to love my half turn signal, to love that as I teach I am growing/learning/ improving, to love my handful of dedicated badass students...because it is all just as beautiful as the next accomplishment.